I live here and you don't. 

 

 I will sniff you at my leisure. Or I may not.

 

 If you are worthy, I may let you pat me. I may also retract from your touch as if you carry the bubonic plague. 

 

 If you don't want fur or hay on you, don't touch anything. 

 

 I am more important than you. For example—if you would like some water, it will wait until after I get my vegetables.

 

Enjoy your stay at my house. You may leave when I give you the butt or lunge and box at you.

Dear Santa, 

I am an adorable, well groomed lagomorph who has been (more or less) "nice" this year. It has come to my attention that my human minion has put together a list of gifts to bestow upon me for Christmas. I want to be very clear. These gifts will not appease me. I have included a list below of offerings worthy of a rabbit such as myself. 

And yes, I do want the boxes and wrapping paper they come in as well. 

Best regards,
Fluffy

 

 

 

1. This removable paw.

The humans take this on and off their paws. Never mind the glorious smell, this device often has not one, but two different materials to feast upon! Bonus if the sole is foam, and the long straps are plastic. Hours of good chewing are to be had!

 

 

2. This buffet of snacks

Although never by my food dish, this is often left out in my lounging area. It is a long line of treat samplers. It is pretty much a candy buffet—all sizes, shapes, and colours.

 

 

3. White hay.

Hay comes in many shapes and sizes, but rarest, and most prized form comes in this beautiful shade of white. Its decadent texture, its hint of plastic rubber aromas... *Shudder* I'm grinding my teeth just thinking of it. 

 

 

4. These furniture supports

These supports are inconveniently wedged underneath heavy furnitures. While tasty, I think optimum eating position would include these supports being free. 

 

 

5. Removable fur

These are often left on the floor. I know the thought of removing one's fur is pretty grotesque, but these coverings are not only great for ripping, but when gathered is great for digging and burrowing. Talk about a 2-in-1 gift!

 

 

6. Bedding

I'm not sure what the big deal it. I'm a rabbit, I have needs. I'll be innocently collecting material for nesting, sleeping, or just general curiosity, and I'll get in trouble. I think it's best for all residents of my home if I just got my own long swath of this.

 

5. This dream playhouse

Just look at it. I know it's asking a lot, but think of the joy I'll have with it. The removable soft squares are amazing for chewing the corners off of. The large seating area has great crevices for burrowing and leaving my uneaten cecos in. Plus all the digging and climbing to be had! It holds several humans as well, which is perfect for when I would like to be pampered. 

 

 

See texts from your rabbit Part Two! >